Why can't I be just happy??

Perhaps everything is coming into place. The search for happiness ends here. What I always was trying to do is make others happy,but thing is how can you make others happy when you can't be happy with yourself. Counting pains and displeasures, I forgot I should have been counting my blessings instead. Yet another setback,yet I know I will come out of this stronger because no matter how much weak I am from heart,the desire and temperament to face consequences head on makes me feel stronger.
I was always complaining God asking why me? All the while he was with me and was guiding me towards the better only. Everything was just meant to be. Everything was for my own good only. Shame on me for I could never see it. I love you God for loving me so much. Still I am weak. Still I have things to learn. Still there is need of you God to be with me all the time because I cannot do a thing without you. I just want to be happy. I know it can become easy if I don't stay alone. Gosh I miss my family and loved ones. They are my strength,my inspiration,my belief and above all my will to take that extra mile for the pursuit of happiness.
Yes I remember the movie "Pursuit of Happyness". The movie too says true happiness cannot be ever got because we can ever only go for the 'pursuit' of happiness, and not 'happiness' itself. May be happiness is just all together an illusion only.Happiness is just a state of mind,the more we go after it,farther it seems. Its just like sand inside your fists,the tighter you try to hold,more it goes between your fingers. Hence what we all need is just to be hopeful enough that someone is always around us to be in pursuit of what we really don't know. Life could have been more simpler if we just forget the past and future and just live the moment as it comes. Small moments are what our beautiful memories made of . Rather than thinking or rather planning our life,what we all need to do is to live those moments because at the end what we got is those little moments of happiness..................

Loneliness has become a friend of mine for it visits me all the time.By my side it does stay though I wish it'd go away.It stays with me everyday while I let it guide the way.It clings to me with all its might holding on forever tight.It is no longer welcome here, it needs to leave,I think it's time for it to go would someone please it her know? I rest with my fears they are my dreaded companions.I feel trapped because I recognize the truth and it overwhelms me because I know that life is a flickered piece of dust in the workings of the universe the struggle weaves its thread into the quilt of millions of sighs every day it intersects the cries of bliss it disappears into the abyss yet nothing really goes away everything is right now in this moment the world was born and died and I saw it all and now I can’t live the moment because the moment carries the message of death like a “photograph that stops the flow of life” the winds carry my heart to you and you don’t know that it just passed you as you were looking out the window onto the highway my heart flew by and smiled it knew you for a brief second and then you were gone I don’t want you to be a memory a part of the past I reflect on another lost face in the sea of experiences.